I tell myself as I meet individual floating islands of lethargy with entitlement issues; to take a note and not fall into the rut. The idea of being a freelancer means to be constantly motivated. Finding that source of inspiration somewhere within because the validation will only follow after years of hanging around by the teeth and just shovelling snow. There are days when we are just locked up in the house; working on that one project that is going to turn all our dreams into reality. The dream of making a good film. The dream of getting heard. The dream of counting as someone.
The project happens or doesn't is never in our own hands. Somewhere along the wait; the focus shifts. The gaze turns inwards and the introspection begins. The aliens and the mass of humanity that surrounds us, makes us feel even lonelier. We are constantly reminded everyday of the futility of our dreams by friends, family and well wishers. Constantly pressurised into looking for alternative careers that give us more stability, a constant inflow of income. We film makers are leeches who need to feed on blood and energy of a host to survive in this hostile world of cut throat competition. We carry the guilt of sucking our own loved one's dry of their money as we keep our heads bent low and continue to trundle along.
Despite all odds stacked against us; we also turn apathetic towards each other. We Bombay 'Bollywood-wallahs' hate each other. There's barely ever any camaraderie. We want the chaff to get separated from the wheat. We want those who will quit to quit sooner so there's lesser competition. We are so bent over our individual stories that we have no time/energy to spare for any one else's misery. The friends we make are as flaky as we are non-committed to them. We eat, drink and party together but we never hold each other's hands in low moments. Every association we make is to further our goal. Every friend is a stepping stone.
In a world where everything and everyone is antagonistic; I deeply wish that all our dreams come true. I wish that we all get to celebrate our individual differences as we bemoan individual successes. I wish that no youngster ever hangs herself for her shattered dreams. I wish that no story writer ever goes unpaid. I wish that all films were made and we got our due compensations. Until that day comes; I wish that I don't fall into the hole of apathy towards that friend who needs my help. I wish I always find it in my heart to make space for a fellow traveller. I wish us all an eventful journey. I wish I n
ever give-up!
